Descrição contemporânea dos relacionamentos

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Eis aqui uma boa descrição, decorrente de análises sobre Mad Men, que consegue abordar uma concepção muito interessante sobre as pessoas e seus relacionamentos, em sua maioria.

"But I want to be a ladies man like Don Draper. Back then it was easier, because affairs were more acceptable."

No they weren't. Leaving aside morality, cheating on your wife means that you haven't fully connected to her, or have lost some of that connection. You don't have to be Don Draper to pull that off. "Well, I want to be as suave as he is, I want to pick up girls like he can." It's the same disconnectedness. You could do it, too, then you'll lose the ability to be deeply connected to someone. You can't do both simultaneously.

Consider a guy in 2009 who says he can't meet women in bars. The biggest mistake guys make when trying to meet women is being overzealous, overinvested. They are unable to differentiate a one-night-stand from a full relationship. They approach both in the same way. When you're trying to get laid, you can't be trying to show her your soul, and you can't be trying to see hers. It has to be light, fun. The "pick-up tricks" work because they delay the guy from dropping all 52 of his cards in her lap and saying, "see?!"

This is why many men who actually get what they think they wanted are still unsatisfied. They meet a hot girl and it turns into a relationship, and they're upset they can't get one night stands. But if they got a one night stand, they'd be upset they couldn't convert it to a relationship (and of course it would be her fault for being a slut, not knowing what she wants, etc.) You can't have it both ways.

Here's how the logic disintegrates: if you're at a bar and see a woman with a tattoo on her tailbone and big hoop earrings, we can all agree, given the right circumstances, she'd probably be up for a one night stand. "Yeah, but she only wants a guy who X---" Maybe, but she'd probably settle for you. "I don't want her to settle for me, I want her to want me." Then you don't really want a one night stand, do you?

She already knows all of this. Just as you think you can tell when those are implants, she's got you figured from 100 paces.

Here's how you succeed: you have to have confidence in yourself, while simultaneously accepting that it could just as easily have been some other guy. If you're not comfortable with that, get out of the bar.

"But it's the whole idea of Don Draper-- that kind of man, living in that kind of time, where men were men... it was more acceptable to have affairs, drink all day... The old days, men could act like men, even if they were flawed."

Draper can seduce women easily because he has both confidence and also lives, perpetually, in that state of emotional disconnectedness that let a girl know you're not going to get all mushy on her. But that means he also doesn't connect with his wife, nor she with him; that's why the affairs "aren't a big deal." It has nothing to do with the year being 1960. It's just a bad marriage.

You should note that his disconnectedness doesn't make his wife less connected to him (though it doesn't help.) His disconnectedness lead him to marry a woman who was not likely to be able to fully connect to him. Many times, you get only the relationship you're ready for.

This isn't unique to Draper. Look at Campbell. He can cheat on his wife with almost no guilt because he's disconnected from her; but of course she is just as disconnected from him. She doesn't love him, she needs him as a supporting cast in her "perfect wife and mother" movie.

ps. Sou muito feliz em ser uma exceção a essa análise contemporânea dos relacionamentos. ;)